Hi Mansi! I'm glad I stumbled upon your storybook. I am doing a portfolio, so it is exciting for me to read how other people are interpreting the project and making it their own! The first thing that grabbed my attention was your background image. I really enjoyed the bright colors and the style it creates for your blog. Aesthetics are often forgotten! At first, it was hard to know what your storybook was about. Although the style of it is exciting and you eventually figure it out, I think adding maybe an introductory sentence or a disclaimer at the bottom would help out future readers! I really enjoyed how you gave a lot of research information and background information so that the readers could understand and approach the storybook with adequate knowledge. Your sentence that starts with "Okay, so..." should probably be re-written. Your other paragraphs start out strong, and this one just seemed a little to relaxed in its style. Overall, I am really excited to see how your storybook evolves! Great job!
Hey Mansi! Your storybook is looking really nice. I noticed a couple small things you might think about changing. You typed "let me tell you" in two consecutive sentences which sounds kind of odd (I catch myself doing this all the time). Then, you said "we get dive in." I was also a little confused about why you mentioned Israel and Hanukkah. Were these part of your favorite place post? When talking about fasting, there is a sentence that ends with "fast in" and I think maybe that wasn't what you meant to say. Also, why is that last section of text on a white background instead of blue? I almost missed it because I thought it was your citations. Sorry if it sounded like I was beating up on your site! I love the photo you chose for your banner and I'm super excited about the topic. I can't wait to see how you show Navratri around the world!
What a beautiful portfolio! Your site displays various colors, allowing readers like me to notice and appreciate the visual attractiveness. Also, great job with having a creative introduction! It’s great how you included a personal story about your nickname, which is awesome by the way. This led into the post well and I was intrigued about your story from the get-go. I enjoyed reading about the religious and cultural aspects of Navratri. The information about fasting from salt and processed items was incredibly interesting! I would love to hear more specifically about the “different regions” are where Navratri is celebrated.
In terms of feedforward, try expanding on the topics you began discussing. For example, in the paragraph about Indian food, I think it would be great if you included more examples of traditional foods consumed during the holiday and their significance. Instead of saying “many more” when you listed Navratri foods, you could list more or end that sentence and begin with more details about the previously mentioned.
Hi Mansi great job on your Storybook! I just read your introduction on the first story. The introduction was very impressive because it was personal, but still had a lot of important information for the rest of the storybook. I would have had no idea what you were referring to for the storybook had it not been for the introduction. One of my favorite parts of your first story is how encompassing it is. You bring together every aspect of Navarti from the dancing to the food to the way people dress. While it really like how encompassing the story is, I think it would be great if you put more detail into each aspect of the Navarti celebration. Saying something about if the food of Navarti if specific and isn't eaten at other points during the year for example. Great job on your Storybook so far I look forward to reading more.
Hey Mansi, your blog was chosen for me by the randomizer, and I am glad I got to read it. I have a very little knowledge of Indian culture and Hinduism. Since I have been in the Indian Epics class, I have been going through and googling things as we read along. So, since this is the first time I am learning about the culture I did not know about the festival Navratri. I enjoy how you are explaining the festival through personal experience but also using some sources. Putting in your personal experience in the story makes the stories easy to read and understand for those that are not familiar with Indian culture. I like the name of the traveler, Manspants. I am not sure if the origin you gave in the story was true or if you made it up for the tale, but I thought it might have come from the book/movie the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Not that it is an essential story element, but I am curious. Great story and project, I cannot wait to come back and see how your final project turns out!
Hi MansPants. I really like your project; as someone who is really uncultured, it’s great to experience epics of another culture, but it’s also nice to hear about the things that more people get to take place in, like the holidays and festivals. I appreciate getting to hear about these events from someone who is actually familiar with them. I was curious about your comment at the end of your introduction- I thought fasting was giving up food entirely? I didn’t know that cutting salt and flour would count. I also think it is really cool how you talked about the story of Ma Durga and then related that to the events that happen during the festival itself. I would have liked to hear a little more about the birth or creation of Durga after Vishnu decided she would come to be, if there is any information about that. Thanks for the read!
Hi Mansi! Your Background page did a great job of getting me excited to read the rest of your stories. I think you did a great job of creating a fun tone while presenting what you hoped to accomplish with your project.
In "Ahmedabad" the way you transitioned from explaining the tradition of garba to the story that inspired it was really good. You really found a way to tell two stories in one without letting it get disjointed.
In "Udaipur" I really liked hearing about what Ramlila performances are and how they play a role in Navratri festivities in Udaipur. The transition from explaining the culture to retelling the story in this story, however was a little harder to follow for me. Maybe you could explore other ways to let the reader know that you are going to tell the story from the perspective of an actor.
It was really fun reading your stories, and I'm looking forward to reading more!
Hi Mansi! First, I wanted to say that your Background page really got me excited for the rest of your storybook and presented key information that I needed moving forward. I liked the tone you took so it isn't just "here's some basic facts," but instead "let's travel to these places and learn about the festival!" I liked all the different information you included in your stories, from the dances to food to the background of the celebration. You were able to give a full picture of the festival in the different places without it feeling like you were giving too much information or just throwing stuff in there to say you did. My only recommendation would be to clarify the transition in your second story where you go to the scene of the Ramlila performance. You could maybe just give more descriptors about the actor acting this out or have dialogue, something to signify that there's been a switch. Overall, really great job, I look forward to reading more!
To start off, the overall design and layout of your project is perfect. It fits with your theme well and has great pictures that really draw in the reader. I also liked how your background actually explains why your project is over what it is over and actually helps to give the reader an idea of what they are about to read. Great Job!
Your stories were very well written as well. They were easy to read and easy to stay engaged with. Also, each of your author's notes helped me to get a better grasp on what I had read and made it easier to understand. The only thing that I think may help you is increasing the text size a little bit so the reader doesn't have to strain to read. Overall your project looks great and I am looking forward to seeing the final version.
This is my second time visiting your portfolio and wow, your project has blossomed into something incredible! I really appreciate the way you incorporate your culture into storytelling because it adds a unique perspective.
Story 1 is great: the way you describe the city of Ahmedabad is creative and really grabbed my attention. In terms of feedforward, I think it would help to break your author’s note into two paragraphs and I would love to hear more about why you were inspired to tell the story the way you did. I also think adding more images, to help readers better visualize your descriptions of India, would be beneficial.
Story 2 is also another wonderful story. I love how you add a personal perspective and try to imagine yourself in the Ramlila. I also appreciate how you add different links for readers to further research aspects of Indian culture. It might be useful to proofread one more time around to check for grammatical errors because I noticed a few towards the end of your story.
Overall, I enjoyed reading your portfolio. Good luck with the rest of the semester!
Hi Mansi!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I stumbled upon your storybook. I am doing a portfolio, so it is exciting for me to read how other people are interpreting the project and making it their own! The first thing that grabbed my attention was your background image. I really enjoyed the bright colors and the style it creates for your blog. Aesthetics are often forgotten! At first, it was hard to know what your storybook was about. Although the style of it is exciting and you eventually figure it out, I think adding maybe an introductory sentence or a disclaimer at the bottom would help out future readers! I really enjoyed how you gave a lot of research information and background information so that the readers could understand and approach the storybook with adequate knowledge. Your sentence that starts with "Okay, so..." should probably be re-written. Your other paragraphs start out strong, and this one just seemed a little to relaxed in its style. Overall, I am really excited to see how your storybook evolves! Great job!
Hey Mansi! Your storybook is looking really nice. I noticed a couple small things you might think about changing. You typed "let me tell you" in two consecutive sentences which sounds kind of odd (I catch myself doing this all the time). Then, you said "we get dive in." I was also a little confused about why you mentioned Israel and Hanukkah. Were these part of your favorite place post? When talking about fasting, there is a sentence that ends with "fast in" and I think maybe that wasn't what you meant to say. Also, why is that last section of text on a white background instead of blue? I almost missed it because I thought it was your citations. Sorry if it sounded like I was beating up on your site! I love the photo you chose for your banner and I'm super excited about the topic. I can't wait to see how you show Navratri around the world!
ReplyDeleteHi Mansi!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful portfolio! Your site displays various colors, allowing readers like me to notice and appreciate the visual attractiveness. Also, great job with having a creative introduction! It’s great how you included a personal story about your nickname, which is awesome by the way. This led into the post well and I was intrigued about your story from the get-go. I enjoyed reading about the religious and cultural aspects of Navratri. The information about fasting from salt and processed items was incredibly interesting! I would love to hear more specifically about the “different regions” are where Navratri is celebrated.
In terms of feedforward, try expanding on the topics you began discussing. For example, in the paragraph about Indian food, I think it would be great if you included more examples of traditional foods consumed during the holiday and their significance. Instead of saying “many more” when you listed Navratri foods, you could list more or end that sentence and begin with more details about the previously mentioned.
Hi Mansi great job on your Storybook! I just read your introduction on the first story. The introduction was very impressive because it was personal, but still had a lot of important information for the rest of the storybook. I would have had no idea what you were referring to for the storybook had it not been for the introduction. One of my favorite parts of your first story is how encompassing it is. You bring together every aspect of Navarti from the dancing to the food to the way people dress. While it really like how encompassing the story is, I think it would be great if you put more detail into each aspect of the Navarti celebration. Saying something about if the food of Navarti if specific and isn't eaten at other points during the year for example. Great job on your Storybook so far I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteHey Mansi, your blog was chosen for me by the randomizer, and I am glad I got to read it. I have a very little knowledge of Indian culture and Hinduism. Since I have been in the Indian Epics class, I have been going through and googling things as we read along. So, since this is the first time I am learning about the culture I did not know about the festival Navratri. I enjoy how you are explaining the festival through personal experience but also using some sources. Putting in your personal experience in the story makes the stories easy to read and understand for those that are not familiar with Indian culture. I like the name of the traveler, Manspants. I am not sure if the origin you gave in the story was true or if you made it up for the tale, but I thought it might have come from the book/movie the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Not that it is an essential story element, but I am curious. Great story and project, I cannot wait to come back and see how your final project turns out!
ReplyDeleteHi MansPants. I really like your project; as someone who is really uncultured, it’s great to experience epics of another culture, but it’s also nice to hear about the things that more people get to take place in, like the holidays and festivals. I appreciate getting to hear about these events from someone who is actually familiar with them. I was curious about your comment at the end of your introduction- I thought fasting was giving up food entirely? I didn’t know that cutting salt and flour would count. I also think it is really cool how you talked about the story of Ma Durga and then related that to the events that happen during the festival itself. I would have liked to hear a little more about the birth or creation of Durga after Vishnu decided she would come to be, if there is any information about that. Thanks for the read!
ReplyDeleteHi Mansi! Your Background page did a great job of getting me excited to read the rest of your stories. I think you did a great job of creating a fun tone while presenting what you hoped to accomplish with your project.
ReplyDeleteIn "Ahmedabad" the way you transitioned from explaining the tradition of garba to the story that inspired it was really good. You really found a way to tell two stories in one without letting it get disjointed.
In "Udaipur" I really liked hearing about what Ramlila performances are and how they play a role in Navratri festivities in Udaipur. The transition from explaining the culture to retelling the story in this story, however was a little harder to follow for me. Maybe you could explore other ways to let the reader know that you are going to tell the story from the perspective of an actor.
It was really fun reading your stories, and I'm looking forward to reading more!
Hi Mansi!
ReplyDeleteFirst, I wanted to say that your Background page really got me excited for the rest of your storybook and presented key information that I needed moving forward. I liked the tone you took so it isn't just "here's some basic facts," but instead "let's travel to these places and learn about the festival!"
I liked all the different information you included in your stories, from the dances to food to the background of the celebration. You were able to give a full picture of the festival in the different places without it feeling like you were giving too much information or just throwing stuff in there to say you did. My only recommendation would be to clarify the transition in your second story where you go to the scene of the Ramlila performance. You could maybe just give more descriptors about the actor acting this out or have dialogue, something to signify that there's been a switch. Overall, really great job, I look forward to reading more!
Hey Mansi!
ReplyDeleteTo start off, the overall design and layout of your project is perfect. It fits with your theme well and has great pictures that really draw in the reader. I also liked how your background actually explains why your project is over what it is over and actually helps to give the reader an idea of what they are about to read. Great Job!
Your stories were very well written as well. They were easy to read and easy to stay engaged with. Also, each of your author's notes helped me to get a better grasp on what I had read and made it easier to understand. The only thing that I think may help you is increasing the text size a little bit so the reader doesn't have to strain to read. Overall your project looks great and I am looking forward to seeing the final version.
Hi Mansi!
ReplyDeleteThis is my second time visiting your portfolio and wow, your project has blossomed into something incredible! I really appreciate the way you incorporate your culture into storytelling because it adds a unique perspective.
Story 1 is great: the way you describe the city of Ahmedabad is creative and really grabbed my attention. In terms of feedforward, I think it would help to break your author’s note into two paragraphs and I would love to hear more about why you were inspired to tell the story the way you did. I also think adding more images, to help readers better visualize your descriptions of India, would be beneficial.
Story 2 is also another wonderful story. I love how you add a personal perspective and try to imagine yourself in the Ramlila. I also appreciate how you add different links for readers to further research aspects of Indian culture. It might be useful to proofread one more time around to check for grammatical errors because I noticed a few towards the end of your story.
Overall, I enjoyed reading your portfolio. Good luck with the rest of the semester!